The thing my parents asked me repeatedly when I finally came home was, "Sev, why? WHY did you become a Death Eater? Why did you join them?" I don't even remember what I said. Mumbled something about bad judgement and peer pressure, I suppose. I couldn't tell them the truth. Still can't. But I can tell this diary, I guess, and that's almost like confession. They say confession is good for the soul, so just in case mine is not completely past redemption, I'll indulge.
I joined the Death Eaters for the sex. There, I said it. Okay?
The Dark Lord had long since left Hogwarts by the time I came. I didn't experience the thrill of his touch until after I left school. But there was so much to choose from in Slytherin house. Four teenage boys, sharing a dorm room, all of us with raging hormones. It didn't take long for me to realize that the others were involved with something that was providing them with an outlet for their frustrations, and by that point, I had polished my wand so many times I was developing blisters. Whatever they were doing, I wanted in.
It was Lucius who inducted me. Ah, beautiful Lucius...he of the golden hair and piercing eyes, who came to me in the still of night and whispered an invitation I could hardly resist. He led me through the dormitory, swept me beneath his invisibility cloak and slipped me out of the castle. In the Forbidden Forest I first tasted forbidden fruit...and like a starving man given one single bite of food, I begged for more. Night after night we trysted among the trees, my fellow Slytherins and I. There were six of us in total, so pairing off was never a problem. Sometimes I held a girl in my arms, sometimes I was locked in the embrace of another boy, but always there was more than enough to go around. Only the school holidays were unbearable, away from the caresses of my classmates.
As seventh year rolled to a close, I heard the whispers. My group of friends and I had heard of a dark wizard, a former Slytherin, who was seeking followers. In exchange for unquestioning loyalty and servitude, he would grant any of our desires. We left the school and went in search of him, to see if he would really give us what we wanted...and this is how the Dark Lord bound us all to him. He took each of us, one after the other, and showed us realms of pleasure unimaginable. In the throes of passion, we swore our undying fealty, and many a night I went to sleep tangled in a cluster of Death Eaters left limp and exhausted by the tireless gifts of our master.
Master...he loved that name. He earned that name.
So many memories. So many unfulfilled dreams. I saw Lucius last year, when he came to the school to visit Draco, and the look in his eyes reduced me to a quivering mass of jelly. He, too, remembers the nights we shared, but alas, there was no time that day for reminiscing. I look at Draco and see the boy his father was, and I can't help but favor him. I could never bring myself to touch him, never, but he brings back such wonderful memories that he will always be my favorite student.
I think my wand needs to be polished.