Extremely Secret Diary -- Lego Snape (lego_snape) wrote,
Extremely Secret Diary -- Lego Snape

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humiliations galore

While I don't, ordinarily, object to being used as a chew toy, I object to being used as one by an oversized cat.

There I was in the dungeon, minding my own business; I was grading papers from the Ravenclaw fourth years and humming a strain of "Disco Duck." Poppy and I had plans for the evening, and I was trying very hard not to look forward to them too much, lest I lose concentration on the task at hand.

Suddenly, there was screaming. And running. And a horrendous shaking of the entire castle. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but I figured I'd better go outside.

And that's when I discovered that the school was being invaded by CATS. Cats, might I add, that apparently had large amounts of Skele-Gro dumped into their drinking water, as they were at least twenty feet tall. Normal catly behavior becomes somewhat terrifying when enlarged on such a scale, and many students (and staff) were fleeing. A few unlucky bastards had been captured by the giant felines, who proceeded to bat them about as though they were mice.

I pulled out my wand (no, the other one) and began to cast a shrinking spell at the nearest cat. Unfortunately, the movement attracted its attention, and it unceremoniously dropped the student it had been assaulting. Then, the brute caught ME in its jaws and proceeded to give me the roughest, most unpleasant tongue bath of my life, purring noisily all the while. I'll keep my blond nurse for such treatments, thank you.

Eventually the cat grew bored with using me as its plaything and dropped me into a tree. At that point, blasted Potter showed up on his broomstick and managed to do what I had been trying to do, and transfigure them back to normal size. I didn't see where they went, because Miss Granger was assisting me out of the tree (for which I reluctantly had to thank her). I sustained quite a few bruises in the encounter and limped my way to the hospital wing, where darling Poppy was already administering to Draco, who had apparently received similar treatment. I couldn't help noticing the way he was ogling her, and I had to chuckle, thinking just how much like his father he really is.

So our plans for the evening were canceled, as she really does need to look after Draco. And once again, Saint Potter comes off the hero. Just like his first year -- nobody ever knew that *I* was trying to stop Quirrell, even when I wasn't completely sure why he was doing what he was doing. Potter gets all the glory. Good grief, I hate that kid sometimes.
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